Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize