I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
