the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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