farters have to be the big spoon...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
