I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
