batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
