All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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