you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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