we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
