Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Houston, we have a blender
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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