I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
