I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
