what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
