covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
