Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
