we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
