How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
