So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
