I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
