If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
