Your face is a jimmy john
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
