so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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