Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
