She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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