apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
