Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
