I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
