It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
