I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
