Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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