I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish you could order shots online.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
