yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
