Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
