I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
