Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ladies don't puke and tell
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