I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
