we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
my liver is dry heaving
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
