I wish you could order shots online.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
