Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
