i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
