my vag is so smooth its legendary
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
