Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
