I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize