anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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