lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
