hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
