hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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