I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize