I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
