fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
