hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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