I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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