If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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