We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
