Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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