Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
operation harelip BJ is a go
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
