I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
