imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
