Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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