I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
