9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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