Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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