Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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