you would pick up someone in the library
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize