you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
