the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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