There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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