I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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