so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
