Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i used baking grease as lip gloss
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
