Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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