i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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