i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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