Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
where are you?
Hypothermia
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
