Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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