I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
