i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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