last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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