I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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