He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
