Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
