I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
