i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
organizing the empties. That sober.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
