Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
