I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
