I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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